I am a huge klutz. And not just your typical, “Oppsies, I stumbled back there” type of a klutz. I am an air-headed, butterfingered, fall-flat on my face and inappropriately tear my pantyhose without even realizing it, type of hot mess. And if physical falling wasn’t embarrassing enough for me, I had to go a step further a fall off the theoretical-Paleo-bandwagon as well. And boy did that leave a mark!
I would rather nose-dive, on a slab of ice, while wearing a miniskirt with full-body-spanks, in front of Adam Levine, over falling off the Paleo bandwagon. After all, if I ever get the chance to meet Adam Levine, I don’t want there to be a constricting layer of spandex coming between us because I was too busy stuffing my face with Macaroon 5’s! (Do you get the punny joke there? Macaroon 5 like Adam’s band, Maroon 5? That’s about as good as it’s going to get here folks, I apologize).
Alas, the reality of the situation is that I decided to choose a substantially large financial investment in Cheez-its, Pepsi and Panda Express over thigh-gaps, RA remission and a regularly functioning colon.
What in the world is wrong with me? My fall must have rattled something loose in the ol’ noggin. After six-years of suffering through Rheumatoid Arthritis and all of the crappola that comes with it, I find relief through the Paleo diet—something that not only sends my RA into remission, but clears up my 13-year-old-pubescent-acne and divorces my chaffing thighs– and what do I do? I throw it all away for the heavenly 20 seconds it took to down a Scratch Cupcake and eat an entire pizza in bed during a four hour Pretty Little Liar’s marathon (No judging).
So where am I going with all of the over-sharing and hyphenated adjectives? I’ve decided to hold myself accountable, get back to eating clean and just blog it out for all to hear—I’m putting my reputation on the line and building my street cred if you will.
More than likely this is not going to work, and it will fail. If and when that happens feel free to harass and mock me, unless of course you see a bag of Doritos in my hand, which can only mean I’m a fatigued-RA-flaring individual who is on a terrible carb overload and could quite possibly bite your head off like my cousin the praying mantis (a praying mantis is my cousin because I’m a Katydid – well KT Did—get it? Boy you have got to keep up).
Now I would like to take a minute to address the origami elephant in the room. I do realize that I pulled a fast-one on all of you who started following The KT-Did because you were interested in “do it yourself, crafting, boy this girl is the next Martha Stewart” type information. To all of you I apologize and ask that you stick with me anyway. After all, it’s sort of your fault that you fell for the old bait and switch maneuver. Just think of this way, instead of making-over your home, we will be making-over your large AND small intestine- a twofer!
If you are still slightly skeptical of sticking with me (which makes you a very smart person considering all of the signs point to this being another project that dies a slow and quiet death similar to the people who are killing themselves with processed and fake food—morbid examples are my best sellers) I understand, but with the right amount of support this could actually become a “it’s not the worst thing in the world” kind of blog- and isn’t that the goal in life; not to be the worst?
If that wasn’t enough of a seller for you here is a brief outline of what I would like this blog to consist of, that I am making-up on the spot and would not pinky-swear promise to keep:
- Daily check-ins involving something Paleo, healthy or insect related (I’m still struggling with making the blog title work here).
- Photos of my meals because people on Facebook hardly ever complain when nonsensical things like that are posted.
- Facts about the Paleo, diet, the body and other things that I have stolen (but will credit) from smarter people who are more credible than me.
- Tips, tricks and new things that I found that help make Paleo easier and this blog matter somewhat more than other blogs.
- My cat Dexter, because he is awesome, and the perfect example of something not Paleo (20 pounds of pure fatness and grumpiness).
Now I would like everyone to take a minute and pray for this blog. It’s going to need all the help it can get!
